The Challenge: 8 positives to 1 negative. Ane gave us a chart to use this week to record our negative and positive interactions with our children. This post will be dedicated to discussing our observations and how's it going. Also, what other comments do you have about Positive Parenting?
Here are some notes from the presentation:
"Parenting With Love" by Dr. Glenn Latham
"Research has shown that the most effective way to reduce problem behavior in children is to strengthen desireable behavior through positive reinforcement rather than trying to weaken undesireable behavior using aversive or negative processes." --Dr. Sidney W Bijou
•If the parents aren't in control, there is typically no control.
First, we must control our own behavior.
Second, we must control the environment in our home.
After we've done this, the children control themselves.
•A proactive environment is a positive, supportive, reinforcing environment that is under parental control.
Seize Opportunities to have Frequent Positive Interactions with Your Children:Smiling and laughter, appropriate touch, attentive listening (communicating "I'm with you"); safe talk (just talk without moralizing, sermonizing, or judging).
Clearly State Expectations:
Consequences must be clearly understood at the outset by parents and children.
Scenario 1: (coercive)
The parent states expectation
The child repeats the expectation
The parent introduces the possibility of an aversive consequence
A coercive environment is created in which the child behaves well only to avoid the negative consequences of behaving badly.
Effects of coercion: escape, avoid, and counter coerce (to get even).
Coercion produces only short-term gains followed by long-tern losses!!!
Scenario 2: (reinforcing)
The parent states the expectation
The child repeats the expectation plus what he/she has to gain by complying
Wait for an opportunity to acknowledge compliance, and then do so.
A reinforcing environment is created in which children learn that by behaving well, they enjoy th epoistive consequences of behaving well.
What To Do when Children Behave Well:
Acknowledge appropriate behavior in a positive way.
•Parents should have numerous positive interactions with their children per hour, interactions that are delivered intermittently: a touch, a wink, a smile, a pleasant verbal acknowledgment of what was done.
•Acknowledge appropriate behavior intermittently or randomly.
•Acknowledge appropriate behavior casually and briefly: unaffected and unceremoniously as possible; if using words- no more than 8-12; take only a few seconds- from 3-5.
•Give variety to verbal praise: descriptive praise, deserved praise, sincere praise, values-rich praise.
What To Do when Children Misbehave:
FIRST, determine whether the behavior is inconsequential or consequential.
•Inconsequential behavior does not threaten persons or property
•Consequential behaviors can result in people being hurt, property being damaged or destroyed, and/or an environment being ruined.
Strategy #1: Ignore inconsequential Behaviors. Most of the annoying behaviors of children deserve no attention whatsoever.
Strategy #2: Selectively Reinforce Other Appropriate Behaviors. Virtually all children, in the course of a day, will do or say something that is worth reinforcing.
Strategy #3: Stop, Redirect, The Reinforce Consequential Behavior
•Stop- Do not call out in loud angry tones. Walk over- look them directly in the eye. With as few words as possible say in a firm tone something like..."No, that is not acceptable in this house."
•Respond with empathy and understanding.
•Restate what is expected.
•Have the child repeat what is expected.
•Redirect to another activity.
Strategy #4: Avoid Parent Traps: Criticism, Sarcasm, Threats, Logic, Arguing, Questioning, Force: Verbal or Physical, Despair/Pleading/Hopelessness
4 comments:
Although these principles seem almost common sense, hearing them in these kind of "scientific" terms, backed up with all the research they've done, it just clicks in me how important they are. And where in life I need to make changes to be a better parent.
Thanks for posting all this info! It will be nice for those who can't come to every meeting.
I really liked the guidelines they give for acknowledging appropriate behavior, specifically, not overwhelming them with praise every time they do something right. It can't be sustained, and kids are very likely to stop the positive behavior when the constant reinforcement stops. I noticed that with my daughter: she started folding her arms for prayers and saying the prayers with us. My husband got really excited about it and made a big deal out of it, and pretty soon, once he wasn't making such a big deal of it, she stopped doing it.
What they're describing here is called a random ratio reinforcement pattern, and it's the most effective. It's the reason gambling is so addictive.
Sorry. Psych major. :-)
ang, I read your blog- you'll have to write it here again;) but I hope you don't mind me commenting here. I'v never heard of 1-2-3 Miracle, but sounds interesting. I have been frustrated with the positive parenting approach in one aspect: I feel in order to follow the guidelines I have to be watching my kid's every move to either a) know what happened to know if its inconsequential and should be ignored or b) make sure I'm there so when she does something good I can be there to reinforce it positively- not doing it too many times of course, but it feels like if I'm not constantly observing directly or indirectly, I'm not able to get the 8 positives to 1 negatives, etc. Just for the record, I'm not saying this like I'm trying to get out of time spent with my kids- I honestly feel like I give a lot of time and attention to my kids. I guess I just don't have the knack for his suggested style of parenting down quite yet.
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