What a BIG topic that every parent cringes at. Problems with this area mean a big trial in patience! We had 9 moms and 12 kids attending this week's meeting to discuss solutions. Katie was a great babysitter- thank you so much! And Caroline (and your husband), thanks for the awesome muffins!
Here's a few points from Dr. Latham for discussion about these two topics:
Toilet Training:
When toilet training children:
1. be certain there are no medical problems complicating a child's bladder or bowel control,
2. begin initial bladder control using the basic behavioral strategies of extinction and selective reinforcement of appropriate behaviors,
3. teach enuretic children "strain and hold" procedures,
4. for more difficult causes, employ the "dry bed training" using a urine alarm device, and
5. particularly for older children, teach urine retention and sphincter control exercises.
Eliminating Thumbsucking:
1. Daytime thumbsucking can be eliminated with the systematic application of
withdrawing positive reinforcement, and
selective reinforcement of appropriate behavior.
2. Chronic bedtime (nocturnal) thumbsucking can be eliminated using a five-phase process called "response prevention strategy using constraints," as follows:
Phase 1: Boxing glove restraint.
Phase 2: Absorbent cotton restraint.
Phase 3: Finger tip bandage restraint.
Phase 4: No restraint.
Phase 5: Follow-up.
If you have any methods that you've tried or know about, please do share as we all can use more ideas!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Week 5: Eliminating Lying and Stealing
Thanks for participating in our discussion this week- we had 7 moms and 8 kids who were able to attend. Here's a quick review of Dr. Latham's suggestions when dealing with lying and stealing...it might not be what you'd thought naturally to do.
When children lie or steal, it's a functional matter: they are doing it for a reason and it's not necessarily a moral issue to them. When dealing with it, it is important to remember to not deal with it as a complex moral issue; doing that puts unreasonable adult burden on an almost moral-free childish behavior. (Having said that, the older a child gets the more lying and stealing do become moral issues and become more complex.)
Here are 6 basic rules to apply:
1) Never accuse a child.
2) Never question the child.
3) Do not overreact
Instead,
1. Respond proactively: keep the atmosphere controlled, constructive, empathic, understanding, directive, therapeutic. Place emphasis on values (honesty) within the child rather than with what the child did (lying).
2. Make known your expectations. without moralizing or arguing; be clear and simple and direct.
3. Implement consequences. Again, focus on honesty. Consequences should be well-implemented and thought-out and should place the responsibility for the child's behavior sqaurely where it ought to be: on the child; then let the consequences do the talking.
4) Acknowledge appropriate behavior. For example, "Son, you told the truth even when it was kind of hard to do it. Thanks." If a child has a history of "stealing" secure things so they aren't easily taken. Reinforcing the good behavior will help the child realize the favorable expectations and it is the behavior that will mostly likely be forthcoming.
5) Model appropriate behavior.
6) Teach appropriate behavior. Teach property rights and why it's in one's best interest to be trustworthy. Teach that there are positive consequences for behaving well.
When children lie or steal, it's a functional matter: they are doing it for a reason and it's not necessarily a moral issue to them. When dealing with it, it is important to remember to not deal with it as a complex moral issue; doing that puts unreasonable adult burden on an almost moral-free childish behavior. (Having said that, the older a child gets the more lying and stealing do become moral issues and become more complex.)
Here are 6 basic rules to apply:
1) Never accuse a child.
2) Never question the child.
3) Do not overreact
Instead,
1. Respond proactively: keep the atmosphere controlled, constructive, empathic, understanding, directive, therapeutic. Place emphasis on values (honesty) within the child rather than with what the child did (lying).
2. Make known your expectations. without moralizing or arguing; be clear and simple and direct.
3. Implement consequences. Again, focus on honesty. Consequences should be well-implemented and thought-out and should place the responsibility for the child's behavior sqaurely where it ought to be: on the child; then let the consequences do the talking.
4) Acknowledge appropriate behavior. For example, "Son, you told the truth even when it was kind of hard to do it. Thanks." If a child has a history of "stealing" secure things so they aren't easily taken. Reinforcing the good behavior will help the child realize the favorable expectations and it is the behavior that will mostly likely be forthcoming.
5) Model appropriate behavior.
6) Teach appropriate behavior. Teach property rights and why it's in one's best interest to be trustworthy. Teach that there are positive consequences for behaving well.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Mom Panel Questions
Now's our time to ask our toughest questions to our favorite Moms! Or just something you'd really like advice on to help with your home and parenting skills. The Mom Panel will be held in April as part of a continuation to our Moms and Muffins group.
So don't hold back, ask away...let's get a list started!
So don't hold back, ask away...let's get a list started!
Week 4: Eliminating Tantrums and Tattling
Happy smiles go out to all those who may have frowns right now because they are sick...there's a lot who are sick! Get better soon! We had a lively discussion about a hot topic that everyone's passion about I'm sure. Thanks to the 8 moms and 10 kids who were able to make it. And thanks for inviting your friends, it's so fun to meet new moms! It was very beneficial to hear other mom's advice on their frame of mind when dealing with this tough misbehavior.
Here's a quick summary from Dr. Latham's chapters for review.
Eliminating Tantrums...
Tantruming behavior, though bizarre, dramatic, and outlandish, is simply a child's uncivilized way of getting what he wants, and can be remediated.
The instant a child begins to tantrum, attention must be turned away from him even to the point of walking away, or putting him into time-out. Use the zero tolerance model.
Regardless of how long the child continues to tantrum, he should be given no attention whatsoever. Furthermore, the child should be left alone for a few minutes after he has quit the tantrum before he is given any attention whatsoever.
When the child is not tantruming, appropriate behavior should be acknowledged and reinforced.
When it is necessary to attend to a tantrum, be unemotional, direct, and brief in your interaction. Say as few words as possible, have as little physical contact as possible, and don't mention the tantrum. Simply say, "When you behave this way you may not be with us," then take the child away from the company of others. If he has to be taken there kicking and screaming, so be it. Just handle it with as little show of emotion or concern as possible.
If there is a good chance the child will tantrum when he is away from home, either leave him home, or have a plan prepared in advance to deal with the tantrum in that new setting. For example, if you are going to visit friends or relatives, you might ask them in advance if there is a place where your child can be put for time-out in case he does have a tantrum. Whatever you do, prepare options in advance in the event they are needed.
Eliminating Tattling...
Tattling is intended to do harm to someone. It is typically not a source of useful information.
When children tattle, parents need to put that behavior on extinction, then teach and reinforce appropriate behavior.
Tattling should not be confused with whistle-blowing, which is a socially approved way of behaving in behalf of the common good.
does anyone know what 'whitsle-blowing' is...?
What I have suggested here has been used successfully in many, many families. I know it works, but I also know that situations vary from family to family and child to child. But the basics are sound and apply to all families. All children need love, all children need positive attention for those things they do properly, and they all want and need their parents' support. I urge you to give them that support in a calm, controlled, precise, loving way.
USE YOUR CREATIVITY!
We need creative ways to deal with tantrums that happen during an activity the kids doing that must be done, because you don't necessarily want to put them in time-out to get out of doing what they're supposed to...for example throwing a fit while changing a diaper...the diaper must be changed, so...?
What examples of difficult tantrums do you have; and what are creative solutions that we could use to solve them?
Here's a quick summary from Dr. Latham's chapters for review.
Eliminating Tantrums...
Tantruming behavior, though bizarre, dramatic, and outlandish, is simply a child's uncivilized way of getting what he wants, and can be remediated.
The instant a child begins to tantrum, attention must be turned away from him even to the point of walking away, or putting him into time-out. Use the zero tolerance model.
Regardless of how long the child continues to tantrum, he should be given no attention whatsoever. Furthermore, the child should be left alone for a few minutes after he has quit the tantrum before he is given any attention whatsoever.
When the child is not tantruming, appropriate behavior should be acknowledged and reinforced.
When it is necessary to attend to a tantrum, be unemotional, direct, and brief in your interaction. Say as few words as possible, have as little physical contact as possible, and don't mention the tantrum. Simply say, "When you behave this way you may not be with us," then take the child away from the company of others. If he has to be taken there kicking and screaming, so be it. Just handle it with as little show of emotion or concern as possible.
If there is a good chance the child will tantrum when he is away from home, either leave him home, or have a plan prepared in advance to deal with the tantrum in that new setting. For example, if you are going to visit friends or relatives, you might ask them in advance if there is a place where your child can be put for time-out in case he does have a tantrum. Whatever you do, prepare options in advance in the event they are needed.
Eliminating Tattling...
Tattling is intended to do harm to someone. It is typically not a source of useful information.
When children tattle, parents need to put that behavior on extinction, then teach and reinforce appropriate behavior.
Tattling should not be confused with whistle-blowing, which is a socially approved way of behaving in behalf of the common good.
does anyone know what 'whitsle-blowing' is...?
What I have suggested here has been used successfully in many, many families. I know it works, but I also know that situations vary from family to family and child to child. But the basics are sound and apply to all families. All children need love, all children need positive attention for those things they do properly, and they all want and need their parents' support. I urge you to give them that support in a calm, controlled, precise, loving way.
USE YOUR CREATIVITY!
We need creative ways to deal with tantrums that happen during an activity the kids doing that must be done, because you don't necessarily want to put them in time-out to get out of doing what they're supposed to...for example throwing a fit while changing a diaper...the diaper must be changed, so...?
What examples of difficult tantrums do you have; and what are creative solutions that we could use to solve them?
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