Week 5: Eliminating Lying and Stealing

Thanks for participating in our discussion this week- we had 7 moms and 8 kids who were able to attend. Here's a quick review of Dr. Latham's suggestions when dealing with lying and stealing...it might not be what you'd thought naturally to do.

When children lie or steal, it's a functional matter: they are doing it for a reason and it's not necessarily a moral issue to them. When dealing with it, it is important to remember to not deal with it as a complex moral issue; doing that puts unreasonable adult burden on an almost moral-free childish behavior. (Having said that, the older a child gets the more lying and stealing do become moral issues and become more complex.)

Here are 6 basic rules to apply:
1) Never accuse a child.
2) Never question the child.
3) Do not overreact
Instead,
1. Respond proactively: keep the atmosphere controlled, constructive, empathic, understanding, directive, therapeutic. Place emphasis on values (honesty) within the child rather than with what the child did (lying).
2. Make known your expectations. without moralizing or arguing; be clear and simple and direct.
3. Implement consequences. Again, focus on honesty. Consequences should be well-implemented and thought-out and should place the responsibility for the child's behavior sqaurely where it ought to be: on the child; then let the consequences do the talking.
4) Acknowledge appropriate behavior. For example, "Son, you told the truth even when it was kind of hard to do it. Thanks." If a child has a history of "stealing" secure things so they aren't easily taken. Reinforcing the good behavior will help the child realize the favorable expectations and it is the behavior that will mostly likely be forthcoming.
5) Model appropriate behavior.
6) Teach appropriate behavior. Teach property rights and why it's in one's best interest to be trustworthy. Teach that there are positive consequences for behaving well.