Happy smiles go out to all those who may have frowns right now because they are sick...there's a lot who are sick! Get better soon! We had a lively discussion about a hot topic that everyone's passion about I'm sure. Thanks to the 8 moms and 10 kids who were able to make it. And thanks for inviting your friends, it's so fun to meet new moms! It was very beneficial to hear other mom's advice on their frame of mind when dealing with this tough misbehavior.
Here's a quick summary from Dr. Latham's chapters for review.
Eliminating Tantrums...
Tantruming behavior, though bizarre, dramatic, and outlandish, is simply a child's uncivilized way of getting what he wants, and can be remediated.
The instant a child begins to tantrum, attention must be turned away from him even to the point of walking away, or putting him into time-out. Use the zero tolerance model.
Regardless of how long the child continues to tantrum, he should be given no attention whatsoever. Furthermore, the child should be left alone for a few minutes after he has quit the tantrum before he is given any attention whatsoever.
When the child is not tantruming, appropriate behavior should be acknowledged and reinforced.
When it is necessary to attend to a tantrum, be unemotional, direct, and brief in your interaction. Say as few words as possible, have as little physical contact as possible, and don't mention the tantrum. Simply say, "When you behave this way you may not be with us," then take the child away from the company of others. If he has to be taken there kicking and screaming, so be it. Just handle it with as little show of emotion or concern as possible.
If there is a good chance the child will tantrum when he is away from home, either leave him home, or have a plan prepared in advance to deal with the tantrum in that new setting. For example, if you are going to visit friends or relatives, you might ask them in advance if there is a place where your child can be put for time-out in case he does have a tantrum. Whatever you do, prepare options in advance in the event they are needed.
Eliminating Tattling...
Tattling is intended to do harm to someone. It is typically not a source of useful information.
When children tattle, parents need to put that behavior on extinction, then teach and reinforce appropriate behavior.
Tattling should not be confused with whistle-blowing, which is a socially approved way of behaving in behalf of the common good.
does anyone know what 'whitsle-blowing' is...?
What I have suggested here has been used successfully in many, many families. I know it works, but I also know that situations vary from family to family and child to child. But the basics are sound and apply to all families. All children need love, all children need positive attention for those things they do properly, and they all want and need their parents' support. I urge you to give them that support in a calm, controlled, precise, loving way.
USE YOUR CREATIVITY!
We need creative ways to deal with tantrums that happen during an activity the kids doing that must be done, because you don't necessarily want to put them in time-out to get out of doing what they're supposed to...for example throwing a fit while changing a diaper...the diaper must be changed, so...?
What examples of difficult tantrums do you have; and what are creative solutions that we could use to solve them?
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