We had a great discussion this week with 10 moms and 13 kids who were able to attend. Thank you so much to Angeli and Kellee and for all those who helped watch the kids! Daphne treated us with not only muffins but cookies too! It was a great time.
We discussed our own examples of using time-out and what kind of place we used. Be sure to take the Time-out Quiz (see left hand side bar). If you're not sure the answers, here is a brief summary of Dr. Latham's advice on time out.
"Time-out," a behavior management strategy known to nearly every parent, is one of the most misunderstood and badly used strategies for dealing with the inappropriate behavior of children. But when well understood, and well used, it is a wonderful tool for managing children's difficult behaviors.
First, we need to understand what time-out is. The term time-out is really an abbreviation for "time out from positive reinforcement." Used badly, time-out can quickly become a reinforcer. You are giving the child reinforcement in three types of ways:
1)is relief from expectations of parents and thus is time to 'relax' and gives the feeling 'I won' because I didn't have to do what mom told me to do.
2)attention from other kids as they get hauled away to the time-out often in a great scene from both child and parent.
3)time out area was actually an enjoyable place and the child would rather be there than listening to the parent telling him what to do.
Time-out from positive reinforcement is intended to place the child in an environment where he is not getting any positive reinforcement. It should be so unreinforcing, in fact, that the child decides that it is better to behave appropriately and get positively reinforced than to behave inappropriately and be timed-out.
Consider a few points when establishing time-out in your home:
ESTABLISH A REINFORCING ENVIRONMENT:
Time-out is not going to be effective if the environment that you're taking the child out of is not a positive reinforcing environment to begin with.
To do this, do the following:
1)Use the inappropriate behavior of the child as a cue to you to attend to the appropriate behavior of another child.
2)Make a note to "catch your children doing something right" several times each day. Do this naturally and intermittently.
3)Ignore inconsequential behavior to the extent possible.
4)Exercise complete self-control. Try to keep your message to 10 or 12 words.
5)Use other strategies for inappropriate behavior, like Stop, redirect, reinforce strategy.
Rehearse, Rehearse, Rehearse. Practice, Practice, Practice the use of time-out. This is important for you and the child. You need to practice so it doesn't become a reinforcing experience for the child. It will also prevent saying things in anger and tendencies to take frustrations out on the child. Use a role play method so your child knows exactly what to expect immediately when they behave inappropriately and are put in time-out.
The time-out area must be secure and totally unreinforcing. It must be a sterile, dull environment that does not offer the child the slightest opportunity to enjoy himself. The time-out area must not be frightening, dangerous, or physically threatening. It should be of a reasonable temperature, well lighted, but dull.
When taking a child to and removing a child from time-out, use as few words as possible, and all physical interactions with the child must be as gentle as possible. This does not mean that the child is coddled. It is possible to be gentle and at the same time firm.
A child must not be allowed to leave time-out until he has remained quiet for the required number of minutes, depending upon the age of the child (with the one exception as noted).
1-3 years old: half minute for every year a child is old
4-7 years old: 2-3 minutes of quiet time (after the screaming has stopped)
7+ years old: time-out is getting ineffective at this age, it is better to use a different strategy like denial of privileges
Both parents and children must have a clear understanding of which behaviors will be treated with time-out, and the time-out procedure should be rehearsed with children in advance so that they know exactly what to expect.
Never threaten a child with time-out. If a child exhibits a behavior that is so severe as to require time-out, the child should be removed immediately to time-out.
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2 comments:
Thanks for the recap! As Courtney noticed on my blog, I really like the combination of what we're learning here with "1-2-3 Magic." There's a similar emphasis on creating a positive environment; the author of "1-2-3 Magic" talks about avoiding the "talk-persuade-argue-yell-hit syndrome."
The main differences with regards to time outs, from what I've read here, are that "1-2-3 Magic" recommends time outs mostly for "stop" behaviors; you can give them a couple chances (that's the 1-2-3 part); and it doesn't matter if the time out place is boring - if they wanted to be there, they would be already. The interruption itself sends the message and allows both parent and child to calm down.
There's a lot of other great information in the book as well, including a list of testing and manipulation behaviors, and tactics for "start" behaviors. The emphasis there is on what he calls "Sloppy PVF" - positive verbal feedback. Sound familiar? ;-) Seriously, don't take me or my kids for an example of how it works, since Clara's barely old enough for it and I'm not consistent enough with it yet. It's worth checking out.
Thanks Ang, I'm interested in the 1-2-3 Magic. I totally know what you mean by sloppy PVF. I'm learning about that in myself right now actually. But it seems like the "magic" strategies you've shared are more specific- which is good. Dr. Latham tends to generalize, I feel like and I sometimes find it hard to relate. I also thought it interesting the "talk-persuade-argue-yell-hit" syndrome- I'd like to look more up about that sometime.
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